Correctly defusing aggressive behaviour will have a serious impact on your personal safety. Below are some useful guidelines.
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Summary of defusion tactics |
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| 1. Breathing | Calm yourself first, breathe out gently or apply breathing relaxation techniques | 18. Pacing | While avoiding patronising behaviour show a person that you understand by modelling some of their behaviour. |
| 2. Listening | Even if you think you know exactly what the problem is, give them an opportunity to explain it. | 19. Humour | Humour is high risk-high gain! |
| 3. Body Language | Over 90% of communication is non-verbal (body language and tonality)! Positive, relaxed an open posture is essential. | 20. Paraphrase or Clarify | Play back the person’s statements in different, more appropriate words to show that you have listened. |
| 4. Personal Space | Remember to keep your distance. | 21. Reassure | Let the person know you are ready to help. |
| 5. Eye Contact | Frequent but short eye contact is advisable. | 22. Reflect | Summarise your assessment of the situation. |
| 6. Share feelings | Simply state your feelings, rather than accusing them of making you feel those emotions. | 23. Questioning | To encourage the other person to talk, ask open questions. To clarify, follow up with closed questions. |
| 7. Leading body language | At the beginning, match their body language until you feel rapport has been established. The subtly lead them to more positive body language. | 24. Acknowledge | Acknowledge the other person’s views and opinions. |
| 8. Time Out | If you feel you are losing control of your own emotions, attempt a time-out. | 25. Alternatives | If another person’s needs cannot be met (or met fully) try to offer alternatives. |
| 9. Allow ventilation | An angry person is rarely listening – therefore let them vent their anger before you try to defuse | 26. Conciliation | Use an “inhibitory reflex” to indicate you wish the fight to stop. |
| 10. Watch Signals | Be aware of warning signals, but also signs of calming in the aggressor. | 27. Referral | If you cannot solve the problem (or if you are the problem) try to refer the aggressor to someone else. |
| 11. Redirect | Get the person moving! | 28. Slowing Down | Try not to show that you are pushed for time. |
| 12. Distract | Try distracting the aggressor’s attention away from the emotion causing aggression. | 29. Taking Notes | This can give the positive impression of taking the situation seriously. |
| 13. Equalise height | Try to avoid being at very different eye levels – this can increase aggression. | 30. Set targets | Set out what needs to be achieved and by when. |
| 14. Fogging | Agree with any truth in the statements used against you. | 31. One at a time | If a situation is complex, tackle each aspect separately after agreeing to a list of issues. |
| 15. Natural consequences | Let people know the consequences of their behaviour. | 32. Simple first | Solving a simple problem can calm the aggressor down. |
| 16. Silence | Similar to venting, but especially useful for telephone abuse. Keep silent until the aggressor gives you a moment to speak – then ask a question. | 33. Establish Reality | Be clear and honest about what you can and cannot do. |
| 17. When-technique | If you have been accused of something (e.g. racism) respond by asking “when did you start thinking that…” | 34. Summarise | Review what you have agreed and what each of you has agreed to do. |
